Thankful

Tonight, I am simply thankful to God. I've been struggling a lot in my faith recently, and it has almost felt like my soul has been fraying: ripping little bits off, day by day; chunks going missing here and there; and day by day it has felt more and more like God didn't want to use me. I know, oh, do I know, that I'm not worthy to be clay in His hands. I see my flaws more clearly than anyone else besides Him could. I am my harshest critic. However, I am convinced that He has put certain friends (one stands out in my mind particularly clearly tonight) in my life to remind me of His love. If, as I've been reading, love is sacrificial, then my friends are spewing love. There is one girl that every time I'm around her, I feel I've seen the face of God Himself, so obvious is her compassion for all those around her. Not just me, although I'm blessed to say I've become close with her. No one is out of her range of compassion. Today, especially, with conversations we've had, I'm so, so thankful for her love for God, which in turn allows her to be there for me when I need it most. On days like today, where I don't know up from down and feel like I'm about to explode, she's always been there, even if she didn't know it. You know who you are. Thank you, dear.

In a similar fashion... I'm just thankful for the life I have in America at this point in my life. I think at some point, I will be called to give up some, if not all, of the comforts that I have. I don't know what God's plans are right now, but I do feel like I won't be rich in the future, either. Right now, however, it's so easy to get caught up in the game of "Oh, I'm so broke!" No, I'm not. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, modern-day plumbing, books galore, and friends and family that I've been blessed with. Normally, reflecting on the blessings God has seen fit to bestow upon me is just a "Thank you, God for blessing me," kind of prayer, but in light of the book I'm reading through for my job this summer (How to Inherit the Earth: Submitting Ourselves to a Servant Savior by Scott Bessnecker) I want to view this as a challenge, a way to die to myself. This book that I read for the past hour has given me more of a sense of purpose and direction than I've felt in weeks. It talks about death of personal wealth, and how to become a slave. I'm thankful for the ability that I have (in Him, of course) to read, and understand, and through those things become closer to God and more in tune with what He wants than I have been in a long time.

So again. Tonight, I'm not only thankful, I'm amazed. Amazed that I'm funded for camp, amazed that I have the friends I do, amazed that I have parents who would do anything for me, and most of all, amazed that the King and God of the Universe would humble Himself and die on a cross for my sins, so that I might share in the inheritance of His kingdom. It's simply, utterly mind-blowing that I am loved by someone so mighty. And today, not knowing all the plans are okay. Today, it is enough to simply be in the presence of the Lord.

The God of the Thunderstorm

First off: BEDA was the biggest failed project ever.

Moving on, I'm back at home, and am listening to a massive storm outside of my window. I've always been someone who likes storms: I think lightning is gorgeous, and that the thunder and rain is calming. As I sit and feel my house move under my feet, I can't help but think of my God and his might. This is a short-term, earthly power, but there is a God in heaven who was, and is, and will be forever. People who are afraid of storms think of the power in a storm, and I can't help but listen to this storm and say, "How much more powerful is the one who created it?" 

Psalm 18:7 says "The earth trembled and the ground shook. The foundations of the mountains began to shake. They trembled because the Lord was angry." This is our Father. He is so powerful that even the ground shakes when He's angry. And yet, he loves us. His beauty and glory is reflected in this storm, even if it's only a dim reflection at best. These are my thoughts through natural storms, and it's such a comfort to know that Jesus holds us in His hand through both the physical and the spiritual/emotional storms of life.

Praise the God who created the thunderstorm, for He is worthy of all praise.