I had an amazing prayer time tonight. Maybe I just haven't been doing it right for a long time, but tonight was just incredible. Okay, so for starters, I pray in my closet. Yes, I mean that literally. Some people have figurative prayer closets, others have literal ones. (I'm a literal girl.)
Anyway, so tonight I attended Inter-Varsity on campus with one of my friends, Lauren. She had invited me a few times before, but tonight was the first night I had been able to make it. This, in my opinion, was divine appointment. Tonight, the speaker, Dan Money (best last name EVER) spoke about Enoch, and how he walked faithfully with God. Well, I've been struggling in my walk recently. Fears, doubts, failures, and self-image have taken over my faith. They have haunted me day and night, making it harder and harder to connect with God.
Tonight, in his message, Dan talked about how when we walk with God, we gain three things: friendship, security, and light. God provides us with friendship through Christ. Let me repeat that: we are God's friends. God. He made the universe, made us, placed the stars in the sky. You know, little stuff like that. Us? We are beasts at breathing, and, more importantly, messing ourselves up. Secondly, when we walk with God, we gain security. The same God who created us, protects us from ourselves, which I find amazing. I know that I need protecting from myself. From my fears, from my plans, and from my ambitions. Lastly, we gain light. We gain a path. We gain someone who knows where we're headed. It's incredible. The last thing Dan said was: "Have you surrendered your heart to God? 'Cause it makes a difference."
Something about the way Dan phrased that question struck me. When I was growing up, I heard it said, "Have you given your heart to Jesus?" To give implies that you can always take it back. However, when you surrender, it's permanent. There is not going back when you surrender. It's a lasting decision. So, for me, that hit something inside me. I have a tendency (and you may too, I don't know), to give my heart to Jesus, not to surrender it. Make sense?
So, tonight after IV, I found myself on the floor of my closet, crying out to God from the depths of my heart. I surrendered things to Him that I had only given previously. I won't go into detail, because that's between God and myself, but I will say that hearing Him in return... It was worth more than everything I surrendered to Him. I asked to hear His voice, and it felt like He was singing peace into my heart. It felt like He was singing life and hope and His peace back into the dark places of my heart.
All of those things I surrendered to Him are worthless compared to feeling God's peace and grace.
I'll leave you tonight with Psalm 5: 5-7
"The arrogant cannot stand
in your presence.
You hate all those who do wrong;
you destroy all those who tell lies.
The bloodthirsty and deceitful
you, Lord, detest.
But I, by your great love,
can come your house;
in reverence I bow down
toward your holy temple."
This was us, before the amazing love of Christ. We were bloodthirsty, deceitful, and arrogant. Only with the love of Christ can we be more.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
I write. It's just what I do.
So, have you ever had a passion that you thought was weird? Like, something you loved to do, but didn't think it was at all useful? For me, that was writing. I LOVE to write. I love to write my name over and over (not because I'm narcissistic, but because I like seeing my name written by ink or graphite. I like writing quotes on papers while I'm in class. Some people doodle, I write.
So for my senior project two years ago (gah, that feels like forever!) I decided to write a novella. (For those of you that don't know, a novella is between 50 and 100 pages, usually, and tells a short story.) For me, it was one of the most challenging things I have ever done. It was difficult because I was focusing on passing AP Calculus at the time as well, which wasn't easy at all. Looking back, I realize I didn't give it my best effort. I didn't put everything I had into that novella. But either way, when I was writing, I was happy. I loved coming up with the perfect word or phrase, even if "perfect" only lasted until the next sentence. I loved seeing how I could put words together in different ways to say something new and creative. I loved that no one else had the same thoughts: what I was typing was purely mine. Same with these blogs. As I write, no matter what I'm writing about. I'm happy. I can get my thoughts down coherently (which, God knows, I can barely do in speech). I can edit myself, which I promise, is one of the best things I could ever give my readers. I feel I can also be brutally honest in writing in a way that I can't while speaking. Writing makes sense to me. Writing puts things in black and white terms, and gives names to the nameless things of this world. It can tear down, and build up; it can draw out emotions people didn't know they had; writing, when done correctly, can change how and what people see of the world. I love it.
The reason for writing this? I also type out my prayers. When praying with my eyes closed on a bed, well, that tends to turn into napping more than talking to God. When I pray without saving it somewhere, it's almost like I forget the conversations I have. But when I save them to my computer... I just went back to last March and read every prayer I've saved over the last year on the computer. It's not nearly as many as it should be, but it's enough to let me see where I've been. Looking back, I've been in some really, really dark places over the past year. I've had some wonderfully amazing times, but I've also had nights where I was surrounded by darkness. This is not a sympathy play, or a cry for help, it's just an honest statement of where I've been. And tonight, I'm thankful for that. Because I can see, not only what's gone wrong, but I can see how far God has brought me through it. I can see that I've gotten stronger. Yeah, I still have my dark days where all I see is the negative side of things, but I can also see how God's worked through those times.
I just want to thank Him publicly for instilling such a passion in my heart. He has made my life better through writing, and I hope that one day, I can use mine to influence others for Him.
So for my senior project two years ago (gah, that feels like forever!) I decided to write a novella. (For those of you that don't know, a novella is between 50 and 100 pages, usually, and tells a short story.) For me, it was one of the most challenging things I have ever done. It was difficult because I was focusing on passing AP Calculus at the time as well, which wasn't easy at all. Looking back, I realize I didn't give it my best effort. I didn't put everything I had into that novella. But either way, when I was writing, I was happy. I loved coming up with the perfect word or phrase, even if "perfect" only lasted until the next sentence. I loved seeing how I could put words together in different ways to say something new and creative. I loved that no one else had the same thoughts: what I was typing was purely mine. Same with these blogs. As I write, no matter what I'm writing about. I'm happy. I can get my thoughts down coherently (which, God knows, I can barely do in speech). I can edit myself, which I promise, is one of the best things I could ever give my readers. I feel I can also be brutally honest in writing in a way that I can't while speaking. Writing makes sense to me. Writing puts things in black and white terms, and gives names to the nameless things of this world. It can tear down, and build up; it can draw out emotions people didn't know they had; writing, when done correctly, can change how and what people see of the world. I love it.
The reason for writing this? I also type out my prayers. When praying with my eyes closed on a bed, well, that tends to turn into napping more than talking to God. When I pray without saving it somewhere, it's almost like I forget the conversations I have. But when I save them to my computer... I just went back to last March and read every prayer I've saved over the last year on the computer. It's not nearly as many as it should be, but it's enough to let me see where I've been. Looking back, I've been in some really, really dark places over the past year. I've had some wonderfully amazing times, but I've also had nights where I was surrounded by darkness. This is not a sympathy play, or a cry for help, it's just an honest statement of where I've been. And tonight, I'm thankful for that. Because I can see, not only what's gone wrong, but I can see how far God has brought me through it. I can see that I've gotten stronger. Yeah, I still have my dark days where all I see is the negative side of things, but I can also see how God's worked through those times.
I just want to thank Him publicly for instilling such a passion in my heart. He has made my life better through writing, and I hope that one day, I can use mine to influence others for Him.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Meeting with God in the Mornings
So, you know how in church people tell you all the time that the morning is the best time to talk to God? That is actually based in Scripture. I didn't know that. I really just kind of dismissed that for a really long time, because I was all, "I can talk to God whenever I please, thank you." [On an unrelated note: I'm incredibly stubborn.] I was having my quiet time with God this morning, and was just kind of flipping through my Bible, and came across Psalm 5:3. It says, "In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly." And this morning's time with Him just affirmed that.
I have an 8am class this semester, my first one of my college career, and I listen to Christian music on the way to it. Usually Kari Jobe, Anthem Lights, Jesus Culture, or Chris August, just because they make life better with their music. So, I usually spend those few minutes praising God for another day anyway, but in addition to that, today, I had a few extra minutes between classes. I went to the EUC, up to the third floor, and just sat and prayed and read my Bible. I read Psalm 81, 82, and 84, as well Psalm 5. Those just impressed upon me how MIGHTY God really is. It reminded me that this life really isn't about me, and that God has expectations of me as his child, but even if I fail Him (which I will) His love neverevernever changes. Those words of God's love were written thousands and thousands of years ago, but they remain true. God's love is so incredible!!! Walking to the lounge, I just wanted to scream, "GOD LOVES YOU! Do you get that yet?!" I don't know. God just impressed upon me once again how amazingly gracious He is.
I could never love Him the way He deserves, but He shows me love and mercy anyway.
Just a quick blog praising the One who deserves it all.
I have an 8am class this semester, my first one of my college career, and I listen to Christian music on the way to it. Usually Kari Jobe, Anthem Lights, Jesus Culture, or Chris August, just because they make life better with their music. So, I usually spend those few minutes praising God for another day anyway, but in addition to that, today, I had a few extra minutes between classes. I went to the EUC, up to the third floor, and just sat and prayed and read my Bible. I read Psalm 81, 82, and 84, as well Psalm 5. Those just impressed upon me how MIGHTY God really is. It reminded me that this life really isn't about me, and that God has expectations of me as his child, but even if I fail Him (which I will) His love neverevernever changes. Those words of God's love were written thousands and thousands of years ago, but they remain true. God's love is so incredible!!! Walking to the lounge, I just wanted to scream, "GOD LOVES YOU! Do you get that yet?!" I don't know. God just impressed upon me once again how amazingly gracious He is.
I could never love Him the way He deserves, but He shows me love and mercy anyway.
Just a quick blog praising the One who deserves it all.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Valentine's Day and Junk
So, tomorrow is Valentine's Day.
Yay?
Honestly, this is like, the first time in forever that I'm not freaking out. For the past few years it's been all like: "OHMYGOD, I don't have a Valentine what's wrong with me and I'm going to die alone screw everyone else who has a Valentine." and so on and so forth. However, this year, I'm really okay with being single.
I have the BEST friends in the world. Like, one of my friends got me two cards, and the complete works of Jane Austen. My friends are fab. Also, I have God. I have a Lord and Savior who loves me.
That's really all I need.
Just a short one to day to say I'm thankful for friends, family, and most of all, God.
<3
Yay?
Honestly, this is like, the first time in forever that I'm not freaking out. For the past few years it's been all like: "OHMYGOD, I don't have a Valentine what's wrong with me and I'm going to die alone screw everyone else who has a Valentine." and so on and so forth. However, this year, I'm really okay with being single.
I have the BEST friends in the world. Like, one of my friends got me two cards, and the complete works of Jane Austen. My friends are fab. Also, I have God. I have a Lord and Savior who loves me.
That's really all I need.
Just a short one to day to say I'm thankful for friends, family, and most of all, God.
<3
Friday, February 10, 2012
Pride and Prejudice
I get asked, quite frequently, "Why are you reading that book again?" That book, friends, is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Published in 1813, it is one of today's classics. I thank my friend Leeanna for introducing me to this book in 10th grade. It was the start of a love affair. ;)
But seriously, I want to explain why I love this book so much. (Some of you don't want to know, or don't care. That's cool. Just don't read it.) Let me explain. I would estimate that I've read this book probably close to fifty times over the past four years. I have two paperback copies, one beautiful hardback copy, and two different versions of the movie. I think it's safe to say that it's my favorite. Other than the Bible, and the truth of Jesus coming to save us from ourselves, I consider this story the greatest love story of all time. Why?
First, let's talk about the language and the diction of this book. There is something in Austen's writing that cannot be found in today's work. People in the 1800's spoke differently, wrote differently, thought differently than we do. (It's rather sad that we've lost the words and phrasing of that time, if you ask me.) There's just such a beautiful flow to the words in P&P. They roll off the tongue, they just convey beauty, and a timeless passion for writing.
Secondly, there's the universal emotions in this book. Every emotion in this book is expressed in such a way that it can be understood by its' readers. Love, hatred, jealousy, betrayal, that horrible feeling of being heartbroken, and that amazing feeling of falling in love for the first time: they're all there. And those feelings are so real, that the reader can't help but feel them along with Elizabeth, Jane, Darcy, and Bingley.
Last, but not least, the plot and the character development. I love the idea of falling for someone you really hated, because you gave them a chance. I love that, in the novel, people turn out to be wildly different than your expectations. I love that Elizabeth and Darcy changed for each other. I love that they could both see their flaws (after the other revealed it) and changed for the benefit of the other. If that's not true love, I don't know what is.
There is just something about this story that makes me believe in love when I feel lonely. It makes me hope that I'll find love someday when I feel forgotten. It makes me remember why I became an English major on days when I just don't want to write that paper. If anyone reads this, some of you may just think I'm a weird girl with a strange obsession for Victorian literature. (That's actually not that far from the truth.) But this blog is for all the times I've been asked by people: Why are you reading that again?, How can you like a book written 200 years ago?, and the statement that breaks my heart the most: It's really not that good of a book. So, there you have it. My reason for loving the heck out of a 200 year old book.
"I love [it]. And true love lasts a lifetime." - Love Actually
But seriously, I want to explain why I love this book so much. (Some of you don't want to know, or don't care. That's cool. Just don't read it.) Let me explain. I would estimate that I've read this book probably close to fifty times over the past four years. I have two paperback copies, one beautiful hardback copy, and two different versions of the movie. I think it's safe to say that it's my favorite. Other than the Bible, and the truth of Jesus coming to save us from ourselves, I consider this story the greatest love story of all time. Why?
First, let's talk about the language and the diction of this book. There is something in Austen's writing that cannot be found in today's work. People in the 1800's spoke differently, wrote differently, thought differently than we do. (It's rather sad that we've lost the words and phrasing of that time, if you ask me.) There's just such a beautiful flow to the words in P&P. They roll off the tongue, they just convey beauty, and a timeless passion for writing.
Secondly, there's the universal emotions in this book. Every emotion in this book is expressed in such a way that it can be understood by its' readers. Love, hatred, jealousy, betrayal, that horrible feeling of being heartbroken, and that amazing feeling of falling in love for the first time: they're all there. And those feelings are so real, that the reader can't help but feel them along with Elizabeth, Jane, Darcy, and Bingley.
Last, but not least, the plot and the character development. I love the idea of falling for someone you really hated, because you gave them a chance. I love that, in the novel, people turn out to be wildly different than your expectations. I love that Elizabeth and Darcy changed for each other. I love that they could both see their flaws (after the other revealed it) and changed for the benefit of the other. If that's not true love, I don't know what is.
There is just something about this story that makes me believe in love when I feel lonely. It makes me hope that I'll find love someday when I feel forgotten. It makes me remember why I became an English major on days when I just don't want to write that paper. If anyone reads this, some of you may just think I'm a weird girl with a strange obsession for Victorian literature. (That's actually not that far from the truth.) But this blog is for all the times I've been asked by people: Why are you reading that again?, How can you like a book written 200 years ago?, and the statement that breaks my heart the most: It's really not that good of a book. So, there you have it. My reason for loving the heck out of a 200 year old book.
"I love [it]. And true love lasts a lifetime." - Love Actually
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Falling in love with God
So, you know how most girls these days say something along the lines of, "There just aren't any good guys anymore." or "Guys today suck."? I hear this all the time, and for a while, I was that girl. But I've had the good fortune to meet some of the good guys. They're out there.Just a little word to the girls out there: Do you know why you're not finding these guys?
You're not looking in the right place.
You say you're looking for a guy that will treat you with respect? For a guy that will be nice to you? For a guy that will be sweet?
Go find the Christian guys. Now, I'm not saying that every guy that calls himself a Christian is truly a good guy, or will treat you the way you deserve. But when you find a guy who is truly in love with Jesus, he'll treat you the way you want to be treated.When you find a real man, a true man of God, you'll fall for him not because he's cool, not because he is handsome, but because he is in love with Jesus.
He'll make you want to be more like Christ. He'll make you want to be more than you are. He'll push and challenge you, make you uncomfortable with staying the same in your faith. He'll be so in love with God that you're drawn to God yourself.
And guys, don't let that scare you. Girls need that role model in their life! We need someone who will push us, who will lead us toward God's love, someone we can walk with. We expect that out of you, because that's what God created you to do.
That's a single girl's opinion on why a lot of relationships fail. I think people get married for the wrong reasons: looks, money, etc., and they burn out because Jesus isn't the center of that relationship. As for me, I'm going to wait for the man that will push me, help me grow, and love me by loving God more.
You're not looking in the right place.
You say you're looking for a guy that will treat you with respect? For a guy that will be nice to you? For a guy that will be sweet?
Go find the Christian guys. Now, I'm not saying that every guy that calls himself a Christian is truly a good guy, or will treat you the way you deserve. But when you find a guy who is truly in love with Jesus, he'll treat you the way you want to be treated.When you find a real man, a true man of God, you'll fall for him not because he's cool, not because he is handsome, but because he is in love with Jesus.
He'll make you want to be more like Christ. He'll make you want to be more than you are. He'll push and challenge you, make you uncomfortable with staying the same in your faith. He'll be so in love with God that you're drawn to God yourself.
And guys, don't let that scare you. Girls need that role model in their life! We need someone who will push us, who will lead us toward God's love, someone we can walk with. We expect that out of you, because that's what God created you to do.
That's a single girl's opinion on why a lot of relationships fail. I think people get married for the wrong reasons: looks, money, etc., and they burn out because Jesus isn't the center of that relationship. As for me, I'm going to wait for the man that will push me, help me grow, and love me by loving God more.
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