Oh, hey. It's been so long since I updated that I honestly almost forgot I had a blog. Sadly, this (along with almost everything else) took a back seat to schoolwork for the last month or two. Finals were crazy, classes were ridiculous, and hey, my friends are always a distraction. The best kind there is, of course!
Anyway, I've been done with my sophomore year for about a week now, and I'll be working for Carolina Cross Connection again this summer. (YAY!!!) I can't wait to get started. So, they sent us a book they want us to read for staff training entitled
Messy Spirituality by Michael Yaconelli. I've read a few pages, and then I read the following passage.
"Spirituality is not a formula; it is not a test. It is a relationship. Spirituality is not about competency; it is about intimacy. Spirituality is not about perfection; it is about connection. The way of spiritual life begins where we are now in the mess of our lives. Accepting the reality of our broken, flawed lives is the beginning of spirituality not because the spiritual life will remove our flaws but because we let go of seeking perfection, and, instead, seek God, the one who is present in the tangledness of our lives. Spirituality is not about being fixed; it is about God's being present in the mess of our unfixedness."
Well, dang. If that's what being spiritual is, then I have been doing it wrong for a very long time. You see, to me, modern-day American Christianity has told me that being a follower of Christ means that you need to have all your stuff together in order to come to Jesus. Intentionally or not, that's what I've been told. And it's hard. Why? Because I'm not perfect. God only knows. I'm selfish, I'm vain, I'm arrogant, and half the time I believe the universe revolves around me. The other half? I'm angry that it doesn't. So, all in all, it's hard to be a "good Christian" in American society when everyone (verbally and otherwise) communicates that, in order to be accepted, you have to have everything together.
Whether we want it to or not, this type of thinking effects our relationship with God. Because we're human, we eventually start to put God into boxes that we can understand. It's not good, but it's what we do because we can't comprehend the infinite goodness of God. So, because of that, we start letting human ideas reflect what we think of God. Well, I do, anyway. Maybe you, dear reader, are more mature in your walk than all of that.
I, however, constantly let both my perceptions of myself, and what I believe others think of me, get in the way of what I think God thinks of me. ... That sentence was kind of confusing. Go back and reread if you need to. I'll wait.
That quote up there? It stopped me dead in my tracks. It really did. In today's church, I feel that we unintentionally SCREAM to the world: "YOU AREN'T WORTHY OF GOD'S LOVE. YOU CANNOT BE FORGIVEN. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE." Why do I think that? Because that's how I see myself. I have this one thing that I can't seem to let go of in my life. I won't share it here, not now. For now, that's between God and myself. But because of this "one little thing" that has turned into something so much more serious, the previous statements are, in fact, how I see myself. And, if you're honest, I think you'll understand that, because you're there, or have been there.
But that passage up there? That showed me the love of God differently. At twenty, I'm honestly just learning that God doesn't see us the way we do. I envy people that just believe that, and accept it, no problems. However, it's hard for me. I've seen myself a certain way since a very young age, and that's gradually starting to change. Those words up there helped so much. They made me realize that perfection will never happen on this earth. Why not? Because I'm not Jesus. I really don't have anything else to say about it.
Let's God's truth and grace sink into your heart. Don't let you be the thing that keeps God's grace from changing you.
