So, have you ever had a passion that you thought was weird? Like, something you loved to do, but didn't think it was at all useful? For me, that was writing. I LOVE to write. I love to write my name over and over (not because I'm narcissistic, but because I like seeing my name written by ink or graphite. I like writing quotes on papers while I'm in class. Some people doodle, I write.
So for my senior project two years ago (gah, that feels like forever!) I decided to write a novella. (For those of you that don't know, a novella is between 50 and 100 pages, usually, and tells a short story.) For me, it was one of the most challenging things I have ever done. It was difficult because I was focusing on passing AP Calculus at the time as well, which wasn't easy at all. Looking back, I realize I didn't give it my best effort. I didn't put everything I had into that novella. But either way, when I was writing, I was happy. I loved coming up with the perfect word or phrase, even if "perfect" only lasted until the next sentence. I loved seeing how I could put words together in different ways to say something new and creative. I loved that no one else had the same thoughts: what I was typing was purely mine. Same with these blogs. As I write, no matter what I'm writing about. I'm happy. I can get my thoughts down coherently (which, God knows, I can barely do in speech). I can edit myself, which I promise, is one of the best things I could ever give my readers. I feel I can also be brutally honest in writing in a way that I can't while speaking. Writing makes sense to me. Writing puts things in black and white terms, and gives names to the nameless things of this world. It can tear down, and build up; it can draw out emotions people didn't know they had; writing, when done correctly, can change how and what people see of the world. I love it.
The reason for writing this? I also type out my prayers. When praying with my eyes closed on a bed, well, that tends to turn into napping more than talking to God. When I pray without saving it somewhere, it's almost like I forget the conversations I have. But when I save them to my computer... I just went back to last March and read every prayer I've saved over the last year on the computer. It's not nearly as many as it should be, but it's enough to let me see where I've been. Looking back, I've been in some really, really dark places over the past year. I've had some wonderfully amazing times, but I've also had nights where I was surrounded by darkness. This is not a sympathy play, or a cry for help, it's just an honest statement of where I've been. And tonight, I'm thankful for that. Because I can see, not only what's gone wrong, but I can see how far God has brought me through it. I can see that I've gotten stronger. Yeah, I still have my dark days where all I see is the negative side of things, but I can also see how God's worked through those times.
I just want to thank Him publicly for instilling such a passion in my heart. He has made my life better through writing, and I hope that one day, I can use mine to influence others for Him.
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