The Presence of the LORD

I had an amazing prayer time tonight. Maybe I just haven't been doing it right for a long time, but tonight was just incredible. Okay, so for starters, I pray in my closet. Yes, I mean that literally. Some people have figurative prayer closets, others have literal ones. (I'm a literal girl.)
Anyway, so tonight I attended Inter-Varsity on campus with one of my friends, Lauren. She had invited me a few times before, but tonight was the first night I had been able to make it. This, in my opinion, was divine appointment. Tonight, the speaker, Dan Money (best last name EVER) spoke about Enoch, and how he walked faithfully with God. Well, I've been struggling in my walk recently. Fears, doubts, failures, and self-image have taken over my faith. They have haunted me day and night, making it harder and harder to connect with God.
Tonight, in his message, Dan talked about how when we walk with God, we gain three things: friendship, security, and light. God provides us with friendship through Christ. Let me repeat that: we are God's friends. God. He made the universe, made us, placed the stars in the sky. You know, little stuff like that. Us? We are beasts at breathing, and, more importantly, messing ourselves up. Secondly, when we walk with God, we gain security. The same God who created us, protects us from ourselves, which I find amazing. I know that I need protecting from myself. From my fears, from my plans, and from my ambitions. Lastly, we gain light. We gain a path. We gain someone who knows where we're headed. It's incredible. The last thing Dan said was: "Have you surrendered your heart to God? 'Cause it makes a difference."
Something about the way Dan phrased that question struck me. When I was growing up, I heard it said, "Have you given your heart to Jesus?" To give implies that you can always take it back. However, when you surrender, it's permanent. There is not going back when you surrender. It's a lasting decision. So, for me, that hit something inside me. I have a tendency (and you may too, I don't know), to give my heart to Jesus, not to surrender it. Make sense?
So, tonight after IV, I found myself on the floor of my closet, crying out to God from the depths of my heart. I surrendered things to Him that I had only given previously. I won't go into detail, because that's between God and myself, but I will say that hearing Him in return... It was worth more than everything I surrendered to Him. I asked to hear His voice, and it felt like He was singing peace into my heart. It felt like He was singing life and hope and His peace back into the dark places of my heart.

All of those things I surrendered to Him are worthless compared to feeling God's peace and grace.

I'll leave you tonight with Psalm 5: 5-7
"The arrogant cannot stand
 in your presence.
You hate all those who do wrong;
you destroy all those who tell lies.
The bloodthirsty and deceitful
you, Lord, detest.
But I, by your great love,
can come your house;
in reverence I bow down 
toward your holy temple."
This was us, before the amazing love of Christ. We were bloodthirsty, deceitful, and arrogant. Only with the love of Christ can we be more.